Just attacking my fourth Double Chocolate Stout (yes there is such a thing and it's extremely moreish) and saw John Boy's balls through somewhat misty eyes. How DID he apply that glitter, if indeed it is glitter. John Boy's alcoholically lifeless hand drops an aerosol can emblazoned with the words "Knacker Lacquer - Adds Lustre to your Cluster".

Ah the smoked salmon, a little pepper and lemon, buttered brown bread, maybe a smidgin of caviar.

John Boy stirs and gazes enviously at MBSLynne now free from her arborial encumbrance. However, even that slight movement lodges the offending branch deeper into it's unwilling receptacle and the resulting tears once more cloud his sight. Millions of TV viewers rejoice, it's payback time.

God! those pickled eggs.....