On the 7th day god made woman, since then, NOBODY'S rested.

As usefull as tits on a bull

Live a dogs life, if you cant eat it or screw it, piss on it

You're as ignorant as the back of my b***s

Me stones are like 2 feet (indicating coldness, i assume we can figure out what stones are???)

Do farts have lumps?

He has the kind of face only a mother could love

If assholes could fly, this folk club would be an airport

Some mornings i wake up cold & miserable, other mornings i let her sleep

Never turn your back on a woman in bed unless you want 2 cold feet put on it.

And finally the best bit of advice i was ever given by my Gran-Uncle
"If a woman leaves her knickers on the bedroom floor more than 2 nights in a row, forget about her!"

I may think of some more, but these spring straight to mind