TWO priests go to Ibiza and decide to wear nothing which will identify them as clergy. So they buy Hawaiian shirts, shorts and shades.

They are sitting in the sun when a gorgeous blonde in a bikini goes by and says: "Good morning, Fathers."

Stunned, one asks: "How in the world did you know we were men of the cloth?"

She replies: "Father, it's me, Sister Helen."

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A US fighter pilot flying over Afghanistan sees a flying carpet with a Muslim holding a machine gun to his left. He looks to his right and sees another.

Putting his jet into a loop he zooms up behind the carpets and shoots both down.

Landing back on his carrier he is ordered to report to the captain, who yells: "You idiot! Those were Allied Carpets."

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WHAT did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

"Is anything all right?"

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WHAT do you call a sikh in a nightclub? Dan Singh.

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What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's Angel?

Someone who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells you to f*** off.

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A JEWISH woman is sitting at a bar when a man comes up and says: "Hi honey, want a little company?"

"Why?" asks the woman. "Do you have one to sell?"

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A MAN dies and at the Pearly Gates he tells Peter his wish is to ask the Virgin Mary one question.

Peter agrees and the man says: "Blessed Mary, why in all the paintings, sculptures, frescoes and carvings do you always look so sad?"

Mary looks around to see if anyone else is listening and says: "To tell you the truth I wanted a girl."

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JESUS is preaching to a mob about to stone a whore, saying: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

An old woman hobbles up, picks up a rock and bashes the whore on the head.

Jesus turns to her and says: "Sometimes you really p*** me off, Mum."

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A PRIEST, an imam and a rabbi are having dinner when an angel appears, saying: "I will grant each of you one wish."

The rabbi says: "I wish for the destruction of all Muslims!" Then the imam says: "I wish for the destruction of all Jews!"

The priest says: "Well, if you're going to grant their wishes I'll settle for another coffee."

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TWO Muslim sisters arrive in America and spot a hot dog vendor.

One says: "Look, people in this country eat dogs. We should do as they do."

The sisters buy two and hurry to a bench to unwrap them. One stares at hers, turns red and says: "What part did you get?"