Geez, Guest, what a brain you must have, eh? I am gonna now give my vershun of history. Listen up!

Okay. History began with the first man and woman, eh? Some say it was Adam and Eve. I ain't sure, but I figger it don't matter what their names were, eh? The point is, Adam was FORCED to have sex with Eve when he seen her without the fig leaf, eh? Know what I mean? He couldn't help himself, eh?

Okay. So then God got mad and kicked 'em out of like paradise, eh, because they had done it out of wedlock. or somethin' like that. I'm not sure. Anyway, they had discovered somethin' good so they just kept on begattin' and begattin' like cats in heat and the human race was started off at a good clip. Decent!

After awhile it got to be too many people, so God was FORCED to send a big flood and drown just about everyone. Wow! I would like to of seen that! If I had the powers I would send a flood like that on Quebec and then we wouldn't have so much fRench and English trouble here, eh? There was a smart guy called Noah and he built a real big houseboat and rode outthe flood. Noah was also into sex bigtime so he and his wife got things rolling again after the waters went down, eh?

Okay. Soon there were lots more poeple everywhere. For some reason some of them starting speakin' French! That led to confusion bigtime. RThey had to print all the labels in both English and French. It led to troubles we still have today. They had built a huge tower but couldn't get it done because nobody could understand what the hell the other guys was sayin' eh? Flippin' Frogs! By this time the French had mutated into 25 other flippin' languaages and nobody knew what the flip was goin' on! God couldn't take it no more. He was forced to send some terrorists with a thunderbolt and they knocked down the flippin' tower of Babel and scattered the people acrost the world!

Things got real complicated after that. You got Alexander the Greek, Orange Julius Siezer runnin' around conkering the Barberians and then ya got Jesus gettin' crucified and stuff. It's a lot to cover, so I am just gonna gloss over that part. Look it up on the Net, okay?

Then ya got the Dark Ages when there was no electricity. People were forced to freeze their butts off in the winter for almost like a thousand years!

Then ya got the rise of modern empires, eh? The Spanish had a kick at the can but got beat by Sir Francis Bacon when he sank the Armada. England basically was forced to take over the world. Napoleon came along and he was the smartest flippin' Frenchman that the world ever seen! He conkered most of Eurup, but he couldn't take Russia. They froze him out. Then England kicked him in the family jewels and that was the end of that. The French ain't been worth a fart in a hurricane since then, eh?

The English kinda slipped up when they dumped a whole lot of tea in Boston Harbour, cos it was against the vironmental regulations, eh? Besides, Americans mostly like beer and coffee. So the Americans were forced to have a, like, revolution and the USA came into being! This meant major trouble bigtime for everybody excpet the USA.

The USA was soon forced to kill most of the Indians and take their lands, and was also FORCED to take half of Mexico. They tried to take Canada too, but we kicked their flippin' asses! Decent!

So that takes us up to the modern times. This nutcase called Hitler took over in Germany and the Germans was forced to invade just about everybody they could until finally they got Canada mad! We flippin' got together with England and the USA and kicked their asses! Totally decent!

Russia had a small part in it too, eh? Actually some big battles, I guess. And there was Japan... Sheesh! I am gettin' flippin' bored and sorry I even started this. I hate history.

Anyway, then the USA was forced to have a Cold War with Russian and, like, China because they were, like, Communists, eh? Communists are bad. With the help of Canada the Communists were finally beat and the Cold War ended. Majorly decent!

They the flippin' War on Terrorism started when somebody (God?) was forced to send terrorists and knock down the WTC towers. Just like the Tower of Babel, only two of them.

The way I see it, history just repeats itself, eh? Get ready fer more of the same, have a beer and a smile, and shut the flip up!

- BDiBR