Here you are- we nicked it last year-- many thanks to Geoff & Dave
Mary Christmas - His worship and the pig

I'm a sad and sorry Santa as you can plainly see
There are no Christmas baubles hanging on my Christmas tree
No mistletoe no holly no tinsel round the door
I don't think I'll be celebrating Christmas anymore.

So don't hang your stocking on the mantle shelf
Don't leave a treat for Rudolf and myself
Stuff the Christmas turkey and sod the Christmas fuss
Mary's gone and left me for the man from Toys R Us

She said that she was weary of me always wearing red
Brassed off with me spending every Christmas Day in bed
Sick of one horse open sleighs to do the weekly shopping
Sick and tired of clearing up the piles of reindeer droppings

Then Jason came from Toys R Us with his folders and his files
His GCE his Ford Capri his smarmy salesman's smiles
He said he'd come to help the gnomes the fairies and the elves
But looking back it seems like all he did was help himself

He says that I keep trotting out the same old dull designs
That modern kids want modern toys reflecting modern times
He says my dolly's houses and my choo-choo trains are silly
They all want Sindy dolls with busts and action men with willies

Came home one night from working late and there was Mary's note
Can't stand the life here any more's the gist of what she wrote
She said that she was sorry and that I'd soon forget
And she'd gone to live in Milton Keynes in Jason's maisonette

Mr Sooz