What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
'Dam.'

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!

What goes 'Ho! Ho! Ho! Thump!'?
Father Christmas laughing his head off!

Mother bought a huge turkey for Christmas dinner.
'That must have cost a fortune!' I said.
'Actually, I got it for a poultry amount,' she said.

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
'Freeze a jolly good fellow!'

'Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?'
'No you can have turkey like everyone else!'

How do you make Father Christmas stew?
You keep him waiting half an hour!

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.

Father Christmas' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve.
He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge?'
'Sorry,' the motorist replied. 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a chiropodist.'
'In that case', said Father Christmas, 'can you give me a toe?'

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards.

What goes 'Oh! Oh! Oh!'?
Father Christmas walking backwards.

Father Christmas: 'I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow!'
'I'm on my way, Father Christmas.'
Father Christmas: 'But you only have one welly on!'
'That's all right! There's only one foot of snow!'

What are the wettest animals in the world?
Rain deer.

'Knock, knock.'
Who's there?
'Hannah.'
Hannah who?
'Hannah partridge in a pear tree!'