You said it well, hilda fish. I look back at what my life was like, say 15 years ago, and it is like looking at somebody else's life. Yet I never noticed myself changing at any point during that time. I remember as a child saying that all I wanted was to be happy. I had no idea how this was going to happen. 15 years ago I was not happy. I was at the end of a violent abusive marriage to a person whom I had married because I thought being with him would make me happy. Turned out I was wrong.

If you had asked me 15 years ago if I knew what I was planning to do to achieve this elusive happiness, I would not have known. At that stage I was just surviving - getting up in the morning, putting one foot in front of the other, working, eating, looking after my children and sleeping.

Somewhere along the way, through unhappy times and financial hardships, broken bones, broken relationships, mixed in with moments of joy and new friendships, and a lot of work on myself, I gradually learned to love myself, to give myself credit for my staying power, and to grow spiritually. I value all my experiences, because they have made me the person I am now. I tend to see myself now as an old battle-scarred warrior, toughened and tempered by these experiences, and miraculously becoming the happy person I always wanted to be.

I'm happier now than I have been at any other time in my life. Its strange, because I still don't have much money or anything to show for my life in a material sense, but that is not important to me. What is important, is that my life is my own, I take pleasure in just being here in this beautiful world, I love watching the vegetables growing in my garden, sitting having a cuppa with a friend, singing a chorus song with voices all around carrying the harmony - a million little things every day. In other words, I seem to have learned to be fully present and to just "be". It is such a gift!

How I got to this point I am not sure, but it sure is working. How I might be different in another 10 years time I have no idea either, but I am happy to accept that where I am at any stage of my journey is right for me now. So I am being and becoming both at the same time. As for trying to plan for the future, these two quotes come to mind...

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

"..hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied" - Slartibartfast

Jenny