As you sit and...have nothing much else to do except wait for Nature to run its course...crumple and wad and wad and crumple those pages from the catalog or the local newspaper. Softens 'em right up.

Sadie Jones, the Quartermistress of the Idaho Legion, went to answer the call one day last week. Being fastidious and picky, she put newspaper on the seat. Well, the ink came off and now her bottom is emblazoned with the words "Sale! 5 for $1!" And until then nobody in the whole danged Legion was aware that she'd raised the price!

Back in Boy Scout camp one of my compatriots had an urgent matter to attend to when he was hikin' in the woods. The job was over, but he didn't have the necessary paperwork so he grabbed a handfull of leaves. Poison ivy, it was. Didn't do a thing for him except get him VERY well acquainted with the Camp Nurse, who thought it was funnier'n a rubber crutch (and no, it wasn't me!). The next year the same guy got poison ivy on the other side, pissin' on a bush. (I suppose this ties into the thread on stupidity....)