The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #76954 Message #1370867
Posted By: susu
04-Jan-05 - 09:57 AM
Thread Name: BS: First Joke Thread for 2005
Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread for 2005
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
JOHN KERRY The chicken intentionally mislead us into letting it cross the road. I actually did vote for the chicken to cross the road, before I voted against it. The chicken should have given the UN more time to inspect the other side of the road before pre-emptively crossing it. I will make sure that the chicken does not have to bear the full burden of this unwarranted road crossing alone by enlisting the help of other chickens like France and Germany.
GEORGE W BUSH It does not matter why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road. The chicken is either for us, or against us. Evildoer chickens will be hunted down on both sides of the road and anyone found harboring these chickens would be plucked.
DAN RATHER An undisclosed but reliable capon has given me unverifiable documents that prove that the chicken got preferential treatment and was allowed to cross the road to avoid crossing the highway, and that the chicken went AWOL and did not satisfactorily complete its road crossing. While I don't know which side of the road these documents came from and agree they are probably chicken scratch, I still believe the information in them is true and you should trust me because I'm Dan Rather and you're not.
HANS BLIX We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been given access to the other side of the road.
RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on this side of the road has been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV crushed it.
PAT BUCHANAN To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to do it. I'll bet some chicken-hugging liberal out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome and wants taxpayers to foot the bill.
MARTHA STEWART No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die in the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX It was an historic inevitability.
CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity and attraction to poultry.
BILL GATES I have just witnessed eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. The answer depends on your definition of chicken.
HILLARY CLINTON Even though I am the smartest woman in the world and know all there is to know about everything, I do not know anything about any chicken including the one allegedly found in my residence.