Subject: INVESTMENT TIPS FOR 2005


For all of you with any money left in the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Time Warner implosion, and the Sears/K-Mart wedding, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in the near future:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Company will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace

2. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: KnottNOW!

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang