We have three cross cultural marriages in our family. My oldest daughter is married to a man of Egyptian/Greek background, my youngest daughter is married to a Dutch/Austrian man, and one of my siblings is married to a person from a very different culture.

My oldest daughter and her husband lived together for five years before marrying and although this was not the done thing in his family, his parents were very supportive of them both. She got baptised in the Greek Orthodox church and they had a traditional wedding. her husband is a sweetheart and i treat him like a son, he treats me like a mother. As she took on some of his culture, he has taken on some of hers and shares the cooking, does his own ironing etc. We are all good friends, his parents have reached out to me and my daughter's father and treated us like family.

The youngest daughter's Austrian husband's parents have also accepted her into their family, and she has a close and affectionate relationship with them. They

I strongly believe for any relationship to be truly satisfying, people need intellectual equality, and the ability to negotiate with courtesy.

Where these ingredients are absent, issues of control, power struggles or lack of democracy in the relationship will emerge, and anything can become a focus for dissent whether its a cultural difference or who's doing more of the housework.

Where one partner develops disrespect for another, this can manifest in many ways. If the cultures are different they can become the "excuse" - sometimes people succumb to family pressure to marginalise the new spouse as an "outsider".

One great thing about cross cultural partnerships is that the children often are very clever - they reap the best genes from both cultures, for physical and mental potential.

good luck

freda