Here's a good one from the Sir Harry Lauder website

"Fou the Noo"
or (Something In The Bottle For The Morning)
by Gerald Grafton and Harry Lauder


I just come frae a weddin', or a fun'ral,
A christ'nin' or somethin' of the kind,
And the stuff that I've been drinkin' took my noodle,
And to what or where I've been I can na mind.
I feel as brave as any highway robber;
I've the courage of a dozen men the noo;
I'm a miserable devil when I'm sober
But I'm very, very happy when I'm fou!

CHORUS: And I'm fou the noo! absolutely fou!
But I adore the country I was born in.
My name is Jock McGraw and I dinna care a straw
For I've somethin' in the bottle for the mornin'
And I'm fou the noo! absolutely fou!
But I adore the country I was born in.
My name is Jock McGraw and I dinna care a straw
for I've somethin' in the bottle for the mornin'!

2. If ye take a Five Pound Note to light your pipe with;
If ye think a bassinette's a motor car;
If ye lift the doormat up to wipe your nose with,
If you're in your hoose and don't know where you are;
If you kiss a policeman and say "Hoo dearly,
My dearest darlin' pet hoo, I love you"
Well then that denotes conclusively and clearly.
That, like me, ma freen's, yer absolutely fou! CHORUS

3. I felt quite mad when coming roon the corner,
A lamp post struck me richt between the eyes!
Ma blood got up I wanted to be fighting,
Because the thing did not apologize.
Just after that I tumbled oe'r a doorstep,
"Thieves!" "Murder!" and "Police!" I cried,
but I'm goin' to make the owner compensate me,
for his negligence in leaving it outside.

Patter (spoken) Yes, but at the same time the burnin' question is , when is a man fou? Eh? Of course, the cheaper the whiskey, the greater the burnin' question. The wife will swear whe I go home that I've been drinkin'. Would you notice I've been drinkin', eh? As I was comin' along the street th' noo, I met a half-cousin of the wife's : you "know one of these Dr. Dowie-chaps". said he "John! I'm surprised at you. are you aware the wicked stand on slippery places?"
"Well!" said I, "you should be just like me - keep slidin' along, and there's no fear of you"
Said he, "You are not fit for any society!"
Said I, "That's a lie the wife has me in the Prudential."
Ya see th' bird I've got in ma hand? (holding chicken up by the neck). D'ye know the way I got it? Ma hat blew off and I chased this for half-an-hour!

CHORUS