Said the duchess one day at tea, 'Young man, do you fart when you pee?' I replied with some wit, 'Do you belch when you shit?' I think that was one up to me.

There was an old man of Khartoum Who kept two black sheep in his room 'They remind me', he said 'Of two friends who are dead, But I can't quite remember of whom...'

There once was a lady named Gwynne Who was so exceptionally thin, That when she assayed To drink orangeade, She slipped through the straw and fell in.

There once was a fellow named Clyde, Who fell in a cess pit, and died. Edward, his brother Fell into another And now they're interr'd side by side.

There was a young girl of St Bride, Who ate rotten apples and died The apples fermented, Inside the lamented, And made cider inside her inside.

There was a young man of St Just, Who ate apple pie til he bust. It was't the fru-it That caused him to do it, What finished him off was the crust.

There was an old man of Darjeeling, Who travelled from London to Ealing The sign on the door said don't spit on the floor So he got up and spat on the ceiling.

There was an old lady of Tring, Who, when somebody asked her to sing said 'Ain't it odd, I can never tell God Save the weasel from Pop goes the King!'

You really don't know what you have started here - - -

Whilst on honeymoon in Ireland, the other lady with us (don't ask, it is a very long story) decided that she would make a rule. If we went through a town that we knew a song about, we would have to sing it. So, through Dublin we were singing 'Molly Malone', and 'Strawberry beds run down to the Liffey', we sang going over the Bridge of Athlone, and in Lisdoonvarna (yes, a honeymoon in a village popular for its matchmaking fair....). She was winning hands down at this purile game, until we drove through Limerick...... Ah, the merits of a misspent youth, how I wish he were still here......

LTS