Merle Haggard's "THE BOTTLE LET ME DOWN" is probably my favourite song about a compulsive drinker. I also like a song called "Sick, Sober and Sorry," of which I have a recording by Sourdough Slim and Blackie. My own offering, "I Am Never Going To Drink Again," has regrettably not been taken up by the temperance movement.

I AM NEVER GOING TO DRINK AGAIN

Oh what a horrible feeling! I can hardly move my head.
My mouth is dry. I've got two red eyes. I fear I'm almost dead.
But at least that's some improvement – if my legs don't give.
In my neck, at last there's movement,
And I'm no longer scared I'll live...but

        I'm never going to drink again.
        I'm never going to drink again.
        Can't move me head. It feels like lead.
        It gives me too much pain.
        I'm never going to drink again.
        I'm never going to drink again.
        So until tonight when a pub is in sight,
        I'm never going to drink again.

The alarm clock has started drilling a hangover into my brain.
I'm going to smash it, then, God willing,
I'm going back to sleep again.
But first a couple of aspirin – I think I'll take before....
Excuse me now. I'm gasping.... I think I'm going to ... once more

        I'm never going to drink again.
        Can't move me head. It feels like lead.
        It gives me too much pain.
        I'm never going to drink again.
        I'm never going to drink again.
        So until tonight when a pub is in sight,
        I'm never going to drink again.

Last night has just about cured me. it pushed me over the edge.
I don't know how my girlfriend endured me.
I think I'll sign the pledge.
(spoken) No, I won't go that far.
From now on, I'll drink in moderation,
For my symptoms have gone down.
That calls for a small celebration,
So tonight I'll hit the town.

        I was never going to drink again.
        Couldn't move me head. It felt like lead.
        It gave me too much pain.
        I was never going to drink again.
        I was never going to drink again.
        So until tonight when a pub is in sight,
        I'm never going to drink again.