Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song titled:  "A Trip to Heaven"

                Do you sing this song?  If yes, to what tune?


Any help is appreciated.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
john@mehlberg.com
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

              A TRIP TO HEAVEN

It was but a village maiden with red and rosy cheeks.
Who went to church and sunday school and played accents sweet,

It was but a reverend minister who looked upon her face,
So full of kind devotion and also full of grace.

And when he sauntered home with her when the services were 'oer,
And talked to her of Jesus and of the golden shore.

Then up she spoke; Oh: "Father Dear," said she,
I'd give the world if I that golden shore could see.

Then come over to my cottage the minister did say,
Some evening at nine o'clock an hour or so to stay.

I will dear reverend and happy I will be,
To catch a glimpse of heaven and hold communion with thee.

She reached the cottage just as the clock was striking nine,
Ha, Ha, said he, I see you are on time.

Pray step into my chamber where the light is burning low,
And I will soon be with you and to heaven we will go.

He quickly joined the maiden, and then to her he said,
We'll soon be with the spirits of them that's long been dead.

Before we make the journey we must ourselves prepare,
And take our earthly garments off for they wear no clothing there.

The maiden flushed a moment then cast her fears aside.
Kind sire she said I know that you are noble, true, and justified,

Whatever you say that will I do for you are fully true.
[.........?]

Then the preacher took off his pants and other garments too.
He stood as God had made him a noble man and true.

Take off your hat and jacket dear and sit upon the bed,
She silently obeyed him and done just what he said.

Then he with nimble fingers her waist band untied,
Then took them one by one and laid them aside.

Now we are as God made us the preacher said to her,
And we will surely reach the promised land if nothing does occur.

He then took her and laid her upon the bed,
And laying down beside her this is what she said.

Oh, Father pray tell me what is this funny thing so trim.
That is standing up so straight and slim.

And what are those withered things that are hanging down below?
One quite large and the other failed to grow.

That is the key to heaven and you passes the lock,
[.......]

Then he put his fingers in her tiny nest.
And gently pressed the button and nature done the rest,

She pressed him to her breast and cried ti's heaven I know it is.
[.......]

He felt her bosom throbbing and swell against his side,
He laid her gently on the bed and spread her legs full wide.

To put the key into the lock full half an hour he tried,
At last he was successful and then the maiden cried,

Put your arms around ray neck and leave the key inside.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and how the thing did glide,

She called aloud again and again 'tis heaven. Oh! what a shock;
And what joy, what bliss to keep the key within the lock.

Several times they went to heaven before the night was o'er.
And when the preacher went to sleep the maiden called for more.

When morning came the preacher awoke repenting and afraid;
His conscience smote him sorely and unto the maiden he said,

My poor girl, I have ruined you.
My God what will I do?

I've stolen your virginity and lost my honest name,
My poor wife and family they to must bear the shame.

You Damn old fool you're as thick as mud and pretty soon you'll see,
That you have got the same dose that your son John gave to me.

Now let this be a lesson, you poor old sinful fool,
And don't think that all are virtuous that go to Sunday School.

And when your prick is in a sling pray to your wife to tell,
How you took a trip to heaven and landed straight in HELL

Notes: This text is from a typescript from Albany, New York dated 26 February 1906.  Randolph Unprintable vol. 2 (Rhyme #54) has this from 1949 and Legman notes that the usual title for this is "The Preacher and the Maiden".  Edith Fowke in her 1966 "Bawdy Songs from Ontario" has this being sung to the tune of Joe Bowers.   It is found in the mimeographed Mess Hall Songs & Rhymes of the RAAF (ca 1945) on pg 67 of the reprint edition with no tune indicated.   Hence it has circulated as both a recitation and as a song.