When I advertise my cleaning business in anything but The Jewish Chronicle, I get calls from perverts. Now I thought it was a bit odd for the guy to call at 5 a.m. on a Sunday, but he sounded legitimate. Then I heard the heavy breathing. Then I said. "It's five in the morning. If you want to autoeroticize, call a 900 number!"

While I was charmed with the Euphemisms, I'm not sure Mr. Gibson has a lizard to milk, at least not so's you'd notice.