The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #77935 Message #1395652
Posted By: Bee-dubya-ell
01-Feb-05 - 10:48 AM
Thread Name: BS: Should BS be exempt from war crimes?...
Subject: RE: BS: Should BS be exempt from war crimes?...
Nah! You can't use bullets to commit warp crimes because of the relativistic paradoxes to which allusion has already been made. Nor can you use a bow and arrow, a slingshot or a blowgun. And even if you could, just thinking about all those relativistic paradoxes would give you a headache and upset your constitution so severely you'd never be able to actually do the dirty deed.
Here is a brief list of weapons with which warp crimes can be committed with no violation of Dr. Einstein's basic tenets and no nausea induced by having to think too much:
Dental floss A 3 foot length of 2"x4" An epee A dirk A spading fork A Calton or Anvil guitar case (Martin thermoplastic cases make lousy weapons.) A fiddle bow A brick (though only if used strictly as a bludgeon, not as a projectile) The baldheaded end of a broom (Well, I suppose you could beat someone to death with the hairy end of a broom but it'd take eons. But, what the heck? What's a few eons between enemies when you're travelin' at FTL speeds and all your molecules are already spread out over 197 dimensions in 12 universes?)