My fellow Americans, I was going to come to with you with good nes but I looked in the good new file and athere ain't none to to quote the phophets, the state of the union, ahhhhh, purdy much sucks...

Yeah, the 2004 Election was a real bummer since my dad rold me that I couldn't use his Supreme Court a 2nd time. Like waht's that all about? So I had to contract and privatize the elcetion to Diebold. That wasn't cheap but what are you gonna do?

Okay, I'm sure you are all interested in Iraq... Irag, Iraq, Ieaq... Is that all you folks can think about. Okay, I shouldn't have listened to Richard Pearle and Paul Wolfowitz. They both got beedie eyes and I should have known better but, hey, we're there so I reckon this democracy stuff might just work on 'um...

Now fir the bad news. Hey, I didn't want to do it but Dick is making me do it but this Social Security thing is one heck of a mess. Yeah, I know there ain't nothin' wrong with it but Dick won't leave it alone. You wanta spend a say a week with him? Didn't think so. So I just said, "Okay, Dick, I'll do it! Just leave me alone so I can kick back with a few pretzels, will ya". Yep, that's what I said. Heck, I don't know nuthin' about this stuff anyway. If they wanted a friggin' accountant that knows this stuff then my daddy should have gotten a danged CPA to have this job.

What else? Okay, lets get back to that day when I was 'sposed to have landed the airplane on that aircraft carrier. Well, I didn't really actually land it myself but I was in the plane. All I can remember before the landing was barfing into the barf bag in the back seat. I told Lura that I didn't like scrambled egges it I was gonna have to be in a plane that day but I guess he didn't hear me.

Well, that's about all I can remember.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Hey, since I'z kinda kickin' back here tonight? These church folks are starting to really piss me off. Heck, I never believed none of that stuff but just went along because daddy said I had to but they are really gettin on my nerves...

Well, that's about the state of the unioe, Purdy messed up, ain't it. But, I swear that Dick and Donnie made me do it. I swear and...

God bless America.