Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Barbecue

11. The spatula doubles as the flyswatter.
10. Everything on the grill has a long, thin tail
9. To avoid burning, chicken breasts are covered in Coppertone
8. The "cole slaw" is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings
7. The three-legged race is won by a three-legged guy
6. Every couple minutes, the cook drops his pants and flips
himself with the spatula
5. Host tells you the burgers are 20% beef and 80% critter
4. The steaks have been sitting in marinade sauce all night,
and so has your Uncle Earl
3. You have to sign a legal waiver before you eat the potato salad
2. Things seem tense between your hosts, Frank and Kathie Lee *
1. The guests all have grill marks on their foreheads