There's the old story about the admiral in the naval hospital. He was as goddamned lifer, nothing was ever good enough, and he was, basically, a mean old bastard.d

One day an enlisted orderly came it and helped the old bastard with what had to be done. Then to orderly told the admiral to turn over, becaus he had to have his temperature taken rectally.

With much complaining, the admiral did so. The orderly left.

About an hour later, a nurse came in and broke out laughing.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" asked the admiral. "Haven't you ever seen a man have his temperature taken rectally before?"

"Yes," replied the jg nurse, "but never with a daisy."