In 50 years there won't be no group of old folkies singin' about their '76 Corollas... Like none...

Hey Bobert, you might be wrong about that. There's this song. Some friends of mine, Craig and Simone
sing it. In fact that Frank Sample character looks a lot like one of them:

The Ballad of The Little Ford Laser

When I was about 16
I had no idea I was so green
but somehow got involved with a girl.
Then one night beneath the stars
we were in the back of her new car
we thought perhaps we'd give it a whirl.
But there aint a lot that you can do
You can try and try until your
face turns blue -
there aint no room in the back
of a little Ford Laser.

And so a few months went by
we were doomed to fail
though we did try
It doesn't even matter how poorly
endowed you are.
So we split up went our separate ways
but you'll never guess within a few days
I met another girl who owned a
similar type of car.
And I never thought
in my wildest dreams
I'd stay a virgin throughout my teens
The greatest contraception
is a little Ford Laser.

I know what you're thinking
about this song
I didn't think - I had it all wrong
Just take out a blanket and head
for the nearest tree.
But there's one thing
you don't understand
A Ford Laser girl doesn't like the land
A prim and proper and fussy
little Missy is she.
And the front of the car is still too small
Just four cylinders and that's all
You slip and slide on the bonnet
of a little Ford Laser.

This anti-sex machine is carefully designed
by an engineer with the weirdest
sense of humour
With seats too small to steer
and no room in the rear
you wonder what's the use
of a little Ford Laser.

I can't work it out - I'll never know
why these women thrill me so
Is it their smile or that look
within their eyes?
That seems to suggest
they know a lot more
Than you or I could ever bargain for
When you jump in the car you'll
no doubt get a surprise
'cos you'll think you're bigger
than what you are
when you twist and strain inside the car
A modern day chastity belt
is a little Ford Laser.

Well now I'm older and married too
my days of matchbox cars are through
but I have to tell you 'bout the
woman who moved next door.
Well, it's not her hair or her pretty eyes
Its more to do with the car she drives
my heart skips a beat and my
jaw falls to the floor
I'm reminded of my misspent days
when we tried and tried a million ways
I'm a frustrated man with a passion
for a little Ford Laser.

©2004 Frank Sample