What's the only proper way to play a bodhrán?

With an open penknife.
(This, the primordial bodhrán joke, is the responsibility of Seamus Ennis)


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What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying session musicians?

A bodhrán player.
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What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.
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What do bodhrán players use for birth control?

Their personalities.
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How do you know when there is a bodhrán player at your front door ?

The knocking gets faster and faster and faster...
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Why do bodhrán players find it difficult to enter a room ?

They never know when to come in.
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What's the difference between a bodhrán and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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Bodhrán care is simple... Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.

(provided by Ed Dale; attributed to Seán O'Riada)
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Then of course there was the fiddle player who, while visiting the local pub, was asked for a dollar to help pay for the funeral of a local bodhrán player.

"Here's two dollars;" he says "bury another."
(courtesy [if that's the right word] of Ed Dale)


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What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?

The rabbit might have been on it's way to a gig.


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Is a bodhrán-player a musician?

Is a barnacle a ship?
(courtesy of Paul Nicolaides)


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Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?

A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas...
(courtesy of Bernard Argent, on IRTRAD-L)


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What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?

A huge improvement.
(courtesy of John Birtwistle, on IRTRAD-L, attributed to the Chippenham session)


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What have a bodhrán player and a sperm got in common?

One chance in a million of ever becoming a human being!
(courtesy of Beverley Whelan, on IRTRAD-L, attributed to the Inverkeilor session)


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Collective noun: A skinful of bodhráns.

(reported on rec.music.celtic by Marcus Turner)
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Best things to do with a bodhrán:
Set fire to the hoop and make the player jump through it.
Roll it over a cliff into the ocean.
Nail soup can lids around the rim and use it as a tambourine.
(from rec.music.celtic, 7/95)
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Define an optimist.

A bodhrán player with a beeper.
(courtesy of Jim McGill; but Ken Larson says I just thought I'd mention that I got two bodhrán gigs last week through my pager... So there, Nyagh!!!)


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How is pre-mature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?

You know perfectly well what's about to happen, but you can't do a thing about it.
(courtesy of Tommy Hayes)


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What do you get when you murder a bodhránist with his own beater?

Tipper Gore.
(Submitted anonymously, no doubt to avoid reprisals)


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What's the difference between a bodhran player and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
(donated by Chris Pitts)


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Why do men make better bodhran players than women?

Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.
(posted on rec.music.celtic by Tracy Reith)


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What's the difference between a bodhran and an onion?

Most people cry when they cut up an onion.
(from Kirk Witmer)


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Customer: I'd like to buy a guitar, please.
Shop Assistant: You're a bodhran player, aren't you?
Customer: How did you know that?
Shop Assistant: This is a fish and chip shop.