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THE SECOND WORST CASE OF CRABS I EVER HAD

When I returned to NYC after the harrowing experience in Jacksonville

flesh still burning from the A-200, I noticed an itch that was familiar. On a closer reading of the label I noticed that the manufacturers suggested a second application a few days after the first. Sheets, clothing, combs, towels all had to receive two HOT water washes, and my unmentionables--which I notice some ne'er-do-well has called 'balls'--required another application of St Elmo's Fire. Foolishly, I decided to shave. Oy gevalt! Never again. It was an experience. Shaving is no problem at all with an electric razor, but with a safety razor it is a risky enterprise--one that necessitates a steady hand and at least a dozen beer. If you ever do this, do NOT use a straight razor. Just as there are many a slip twix the cup and the lip, so too could there be while shaving one's nether regions. Remember, you are one sneeze or cough away from sopranodom.

I will spare the gentle reader details; suffice it to say that bald is not always beautiful. A-200 needs to be left on for about ten minutes. During that time the syrupy liquid oozes into one's pores where the crabs and their eggs are. The experience taught me that 'slash and burn' has its uses in the world of agriculture, but red skin, especially on ones unmentionables, is PAINFUL. To alleviate the sensation of having lit my orbs on fire, I drank more beer. It was the beer that has allowed me to wax philosophical about it all. I showered and for the last time carefully put clothes into a pillow case. I had many sleepless nights thereafter suffering from the worry that I had missed a pregnant female. However, life soon took its course, and in NYC I said goodbye to my erstwhile travelling companions. Within two weeks, the situation returned to normal, but it was over a month before the itching cause by hair growing back went away.

Lessons to be learned?


1) Do not ever get crabs.
2) Just say no to crabs.
3) You do not have to shave to get rid of crabs.

That's it.