Scientists out at the Idaho National Laboratory are working on a classified project with accordions. From what can be gathered (and that's a lot, 'cause the CIA is running it, but it might not be as accurate as their assessment of WMDs in Iraq) they are locking two of those huge, concert-sized accordions in a dark cabinet and while they breed bombarding the cabinet with tippy-top secret rho-neutrinos.

The baby button-boxes which are born or hatched or the result of cell division or however accordions reproduce will be dropped into terrorist strongholds worldwide. The babies will immediately seek 1) warmth and 2) darkness, crawling into the cellars and caves where terrorists are hiding and snuggling up to them as they sleep. When the terrorist awakens because of, shall we say?, certain plumbing pressures, he/she will see the button box, which glows in the dark because of being irradiated with rho-neutrinos during conception. The button box will let out a squeak and try to snuggle closer to the terrorist, who will grab an AK-47 or something and cut loose at the button-box, shooting the other 35 terrorists who share her or his cave or basement. Then the terrorist will shoot themself when they find what they've done.

At least, that's the general idea.

Oh, no button boxes will be hurt in the deployment of this plan, which is code-named Operation Squeezy, as they will be given the same armor that the Coalition troops enjoy.