KISSIN' ON THE SLY

Spoken:
Now people listen, a kiss is nothing divided by two. Now you kiss an old maid once, she'll scream out with delight. You kiss her twice, she'll set up all night. You kiss her three times, she'll holler for more because she knows how the old thing works – she's been there before.

When a man falls in love with his little turtle dove
He will linger all around under her jaw
He will kiss her for a mother, a sister or a brother
Till her father comes and kicks him from the door

Pulls a pistol from his pocket and vows he will cock it
And blow away his giddy brain
His duckie says he mustn't , 'tisn't loaded and he doesn't
So they're kissin' one another each again

For the old maids love it, the widows are above it
They've all got a finger in the pie
Some girls think it haughty as it is so very naughty
But you can bet they're all a-kissin' on the sly

When a girl is seventeen, she'll think it rather mean
If she don't get on to something for a smash
She will pucker up her mouth with a pretty little pout
As she fumbles underneath a big moustache

She will make a fellow shrivel, she'll make him jump the river
And stick as close as granulated glue
You had better never tell her you're some other girl's feller
She will masticate your smeller if you do

If you want to kiss her neatly, kiss her sweetly and completely
If you want to kiss her so's to kiss her twice
When you get a chance to kiss her, make a dodge or two and miss her
Then slap it on and kiss her once or twice

Banjo instrumental

Hot dog!

Source: transcription at page 74 of book accompanying Bear Family Uncle Dave Macon box set [BCD 15978 JM].

Uncle Dave Macon 'Kissin' on the sly' recorded in New York City on 9 September 1926 and issued as Vo 15452, 5013. Uncle Dave solo, acc by own banjo.

--Stewie.