Got the following in my e-mail today & it made me think of this thread; hope you find it entertaining...

Corporate Speak

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"   –   We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST PACED TEAM"   –   We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"   –   We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
       well, a couple or the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"   –   You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"   –   Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"   –   Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"   –   We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"   –   Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"   –   If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"    –   We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"   –   You'll need to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"   –   You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"   –   You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"   –   Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Do keep us posted...