Also, it's a tad long in my opinion. Another suggestion, get the spelling right. It makes a difference, even in your own head. If you can't respect yourself to make it right for you....

Another thing, the change in topic in the song is a bit jarring. Try to maintain a single story in one song. It helps with the focus for potential audience. To me those last three verses might go into a different song.

Anyway, as Bobert said, have a hook that can grab the listener. A good song doesn't HAVE to be memorable, just be remembered (at least in part). That's the hook. The tune might help with the memory as well if it's simple enough.