Learned from Dennis Norden on 'My Music':-

Are you lonesome tonight, is your bra far to tight,
Are your corsets all falling apart,
Does the mole on your chest wear a hole in your vest
Does your spare tyre come up to your heart.
Are your stockings all tattered and wrinkled and thin,
Are you knickers held up with a big safety pin
Are your falsse teeth so worn they slip down when you yawn
Then no wonder you're lonesome tonight!

FC