THE GREAT BELL
(Denis King, John Junkin)

In an old village called Churdling-Cum-Strando
Whack, Whack, go kick a neighbour
They did have a church with a steeple so grand-o
Fol diddle diddle di doh I hate my old mum
For hundreds of years now the bell in that steeple
Whack, Whack, spreading the muck round.
Had never been heard by the village's people
Fol diddle diddle di doh may I leave the room
CHORUS
Rum tiddle tiddle tum tiddle tiddle scum on the water
Lint in your navel and sand in your tea

In old days the squire had a beautiful daughter
Whack, Whack, Nina and Fredrick
She loved the poor verger and one night dad caught her
Fol diddle diddle di doh I just hurt my foot
I love him dear dad she said, tears she was shedding
Whack, Whack, half-day on Thursday
Quite likely said father and battered her head in
Fol diddle diddle di doh superfluous hair
Rum tiddle tiddle tum tiddle tiddle scum on the water
Lint in your navel and sand in your tea

(minor key?)And then as she lay there all dead-like and messy
Whack, Whack, go burst your ulcer
The bell stopped its ringing to mourn for poor Bessie
Fol diddle diddle di doh I think I feel sick
Then (upbeat again) just yesterday a young couple went walking
Whack, Whack, go stand on your head now
Beneath that same bell of which I have been talking
Fol diddle diddle di doh and one for his nob
Rum tiddle tiddle tum tiddle tiddle scum on the water
Lint in your navel and sand in your tea

They stopped and he cuddled her waist young and supple
Whack, Whack, Lord Baden-Powell
And down fell the bell right onto the young couple
Fol diddle diddle di doh Here's mud in your eye
The moral I give more in sorrow than anger
Whack, Whack, egg, beans and sausage
Make love 'neath a bell and you might drop a clanger
Fol diddle diddle di doh and that's your damn lot
Rum tiddle tiddle tum tiddle tiddle scum on the water
Lint in your navel and sand in your tea
Lint in your navel and sand in your tea

(spoken) Can you take your hand off me knee vicar? I'm trying to play the piano.

Performed by Marty Feldman on "The Crazy World of Marty Feldman" (Decca SPA 134) previously released as "I Feel A Song Going Off" (LK/SKL 4983)

NP