The 25 commandments..


> 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall
> out.
>
> 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't
> do it very often.
>
> 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
> more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
>
> 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
> stupidity.
>
> 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the
> one you've never tried before.
>
> 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a
> glance.
>
> 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion
> that life is serious.
>
> 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
>
> 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
> government program.
>
> 10. If you look like your passport picture, you
> probably need the trip.
>
> 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed
> of cheques.
>
> 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your
> other parts feel so good.
>
> 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
>
> 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal
> with it.
>
> 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the
> dishes.
>
> 16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
>
> 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
> narrowness of the waist change places.
>
> 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than
> coming.
>
> 19. Rubbish is something you've kept for years and
> throw away three weeks before you need it.
>
> 20. There is always one more imbecile than you
> counted on.
>
> 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you
> to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
>
> 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move
> the ends.
>
> 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
>
> 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice
> contrast to the real world.
>
> 25. It ain't the jeans that make your bum look fat
>