I'm a very proud American. Well, not very, but I am a kinda proud American.

...well, not American exactly, I mean, not all of America, but I am a proud midwesterner.

...well, not proud exactly because that, in and of itself, would disqualify me from being a midwesterner. So I guess I'm a proud Hoosier.

...yeah. I'm a proud Hoosier. ....well, except that Gary, Logansport, and Terra Haute are three of the ugliest cities in the entire world. So I guess I'm not a proud Hoosier exactly.

But I'm really proud of my family.   ...well, the part....okay, the few who are not slackers. But they live pretty far away. So I'm proud of my close family and the folks on my street. Yeah. The folks on my street...

....well, except for the guys who have pink flamingos on display in their front yard. ...Oh, and the guy who works on his car in his driveway.

So-o-o-o-o-o I guess I'm proud of me and my wife. ....well, except that she likes neither my mandolin nor my banjo.

...but man am I proud of me.

Except I can't seem to make a buck, I'm forgetful, and never amounted to nuthin'.

Man, this world sure sucks.