Years ago, I was the executive director for a statewide community theater organization. Part of the board of directors' duty was to visit the theaters in the state every so often to show support for our membership and to give workshops on various aspects of theater.

Problem was, our board chairwoman was most often drunk for most of these events, and the duty of at least one of the other board members was to babysit Mrs. W.

This one particular visit was to one of the larger community theaters out in the western part of the state. They didn't receive such visits very often and were completely honored that WE were to be their guests that night. They had chosen a lovely piece, "The Glass Menagerie" to show us their dramatic talents.

We arrived from dinner just a few minutes before curtain and Mrs. W, true to form, was already plastered. So one of the men on the board took her arm and firmly escorted her down the aisle and she settled blearily into her seat, whereupon she instantly fell asleep. Loudly fell asleep, snoring at many decibels through the first 15 minutes or so of the play.

Finally I, the lone paid staffer, could no longer stand her rudeness. I reached across two other people, took her wrist in my hand and gave it a little shake to urge her to wake up. Which she did, at a particularly quiet and thoughtful moment in the play.

Straightening up a bit, she peered out at the stage through her one opened eye, drawing a bead on the two characters quietly conversing onstage. And she bellowed, "WHO ARE THOSE ASSHOLES ANYWAY?????"

I wanted to crawl up the aisle on my belly and leave by a back door.

WW