Any male who is baptized Roman Catholic is eligible. I'll convert, and gladly take the position. Here's what I'll offer:
Birth control will be okay.
No more realistic crucifixes in church. They're too scary looking.
Priests and nuns can get married. The brutality that they show towards students in Catholic school comes from the fact that they ain't gittin' any (if you know what I mean) Of course, that's my own opinion. And there may be a lot less child molestation.
No more of those ungainly priest outfits. A clean shirt and pants and a tie are good enough for conducting mass. Jeans and a tee shirt are ok for other times. (can you imagine what it's like going to the bathroom in on of those pope outfits? Geez, talk about impractical).
Molest a kid and go to jail. No arguments. No plea bargains. I'll turn you over to the cops myself. And when you get out of jail, you'll go to the Vatican Jail, that I'll build, and stay there forever. In solitary.
An hour each night of Old-Time Country and Bluegrass gospel music on the Vatican radio station. I'll even have resident country music bands at the Vatican.
Free access to the public to the Vatican library, to squash or confirm all the nasty rumors.
I'll think of more stuff later.