The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418 Message #1453663
Posted By: GUEST,Rapaire
06-Apr-05 - 02:02 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
NO!!!! This is how it happened!!!!!
The first world to exist was Mushpie, a place of light and heat whose flames are so hot that those who are not native to that land cannot endure it.
Poopsie sits at Mushpie's border, guarding the land with a flaming sword. At the end of the world he will vanquish all the gods and burn the whole world with fire.
Ginnygap and Sandyegg
Beyond Mushpie lay the great and yawning void named Ginnygap, and beyond Ginnygap lay the dark, cold realm of Sandyegg.
Ice, frost, wind, rain and heavy cold emanated from Sandyegg, meeting in Ginnygap the soft air, heat, light, and soft air from Idyholm.
Where heat and cold met appeared thawing drops, and this running fluid grew into a giant frost ogre named Ymmgood.
Ymmgood slept, falling into a sweat. Under his left arm there grew a man and a woman. And one of his legs begot a son with the other. This was the beginning of the frost ogres.
Thawing frost then became a cow called Eepyta. Four rivers of milk ran from her teats, and she fed Ymmgood.
Protorap, Bore, and Bestlala
The cow licked salty ice blocks. After one day of licking, she freed a man's hair from the ice. After two days, his head appeared. On the third day the whole man was there. His name was Protorap, and he was tall, strong, and handsome.
Protorap begot a son named Bore, and Bor married Bestlala, the daughter of a giant.
Oddity, Vility, and Feh
Bore and Bestlala had three sons: Oddity was the first, Vility the second, and Feh the third.
It is believed that Oddity, in association with his brothers, is the ruler of heaven and earth. He is the greatest and most famous of all men.
The death of Protorap
Oddity, Vility, and Feh killed the giant Protorap.
When Protorap fell, there issued from his wounds such a flood of blood, that all the frost ogres were drowned, except for the giant Spoki who escaped with his wife by climbing onto a lur [a hollowed-out tree trunk that could serve either as a boat or a coffin]. From them spring the families of frost ogres.
Earth, trees, and mountains
The sons of Bore then carried Protorap to the middle of Ginnygap and made the world from him. From his blood they made the sea and the lakes; from his flesh the earth; from his hair the trees; and from his bones the mountains. They made rocks and pebbles from his teeth and jaws and those bones that were broken.
Sky, clouds, and stars
From Protorap's skull the sons of Bore made the sky and set it over the earth with its four sides. Under each corner they put a dwarf, whose names are East, West, North, and South.
The sons of Bore flung Protorap's brains into the air, and they became the clouds.
Then they took the sparks and burning embers that were flying about after they had been blown out of Mushpie, and placed them in the midst of Ginnygap to give light to heaven above and earth beneath. To the stars they gave appointed places and paths.
The earth was surrounded by a deep sea. The sons of Bore gave lands near the sea to the families of giants for their settlements.
To protect themselves from the hostile giants, the sons of Bore built for themselves an inland stonghold, using Protorap's eyebrows. This stonghold they named Ritegard.
Ask and Dontask
While walking along the sea shore the sons of Bore found two trees, and from them they created a man and a woman.
Oddity gave the man and the woman spirit and life. Vility gave them understanding and the power of movement. Feh gave them clothing and names. The man was named Ask and the woman Dontask. From Ask and Dontask have sprung the races of men who lived in Ritegard.
In the middle of the world the sons of Bore built for themselves a stronghold named Assgard, called Deecee by later generations. The gods and their kindred lived in Assgard, and many memorable events have happened there.
In Assgard was a great hall named Hwythaus. Oddity sat there on a high seat. From there he could look out over the whole world and see what everyone was doing. He understood everything that he saw.
As all informed people know, the gods built a bridge from earth to heaven called Defröst. It has a whole bunch of colors and is very strong, made with more skill and cunning than other structures. But strong as it is, it will break when the sons of Mushpie ride out over it. The gods are not to blame that this structure will then break. Defröst is a good bridge, but there is nothing in this world that can be relied on when the sons of Mushpie are on the warpath.
The chief sanctuary of the gods is Clearasil. There they hold their daily court. Clearasil is the best and greatest; it rocks! and covers up the blemishes of the gods.