From Bodleian Library Broadside Ballads, Johnson Ballads 1878.

I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A POLICEMAN
[Manchester/Leeds, "between 1855 and 1858."]

Some folks may talk about a trade
And the joys that from it spring, sir,
And after you my words have weighed,
You'll say it's no such thing, sir.
Though at me you may jeer and laugh,
My joys think to decrease, man,
But I mean to say (and I do not chaff),
I should like to be a policeman.

CHORUS: Taking up and knocking down,
Your noise and bother cease, man,
O won't I come it jolly brown
When I'm a new policeman!

Of the boys I'd be the terror, mind.
The fruit stalls too, I'd fell 'em,
And disturbances of every kind,
I with my staff would quell 'em.
A "charge" would be as good as pelf.
My pleasures 'twould increase, man,
For I'll make the "charges" up myself
When I'm a new policeman.

To the kitchen maids like wax I'd stick,
And though I'm not a glutton,
(The thought on't makes me my chops lick.)
Oh, I likes a bit of mutton.
When in my toggery I'm arrayed,
From me there's no release, man.
The boldest of men would be afraid,
If I was a new policeman.

A drunken man's a chance I'd hail.
It would my ear delight, sir.
To search him well I would not fail,
For right is naught to might, sir.
I'd turn his pockets inside out
And quickly would him flay, man,
And who would dare to harbour doubt,
Against a new policeman?

The cracksmen too should tip to me
Or else I soon would "lag" 'em,
But if they did, I should not see,
That is, I should not "stag" 'em,
And if amusement I should lack,
Though I'm one that likes the peace, man,
A pate or two I'd surely crack.
I should like to be a policeman.

The prospect does me much delight.
I mount on wings of joy, sir.
It does to wealth and fame invite
And pleasure without alloy, sir.
When I'm established in the force,
I'll have a bob apiece, man,
From lushy swells, or I'll lock 'em up.
I should like to be a policeman.