The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #79224   Message #1454350
Posted By: Roger the Skiffler
07-Apr-05 - 09:36 AM
Thread Name: BS: Second Joke Thread for 2005
Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread for 2005
(I hope this isn't one that's been posted before)
>>Today's Joke
>>The Stella Awards
>>It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
>>The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
>>coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case
>>inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful
>>lawsuits in the United States.
>>Here are this year's winners:
>>5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000
>>a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
>>running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
>>understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
>>toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>>5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
>>medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
>>Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
>>car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
>>5th Place (tie):
>>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
>>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
>>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
>>couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
>>locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson
>>found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case
>>Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
>>insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
>>agreed to the tune of $500,000.
>>4th Place:
>>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
>>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
>>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award
>>less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
>>provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into
>>yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
>>3rd Place:
>>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
>>Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
>>coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
>>thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
>>2nd Place:
>>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
>>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
>>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton
>>trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the
>>$3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
>>1st Place:
>>This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
>>Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
>>On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the
>>freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers
>>seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the
>>left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
>>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual
>>she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new
>>motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
>>suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

(and I hope they all failed on appeal)