What a timely thread..... I just got this in my email this morning.
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD.
HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
----------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
PART COCKER SPANIEL -
PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
- PART STUPID DOG
------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
-----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB-
$850/offer
-----------------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
-----------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
----------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
--------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
---------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL THAT HOLDS 2 ½ BOTTLES OF BEER.
-------------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
----------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
------------------------------------------
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
------------------------------------------ AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
---------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS-$175.
---------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
-----------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
----------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
---------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
-------------------------------------------
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
----------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE:
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
--------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of
Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.
Davey... (:>)