"There's lego in the toaster and there's lego in the loo
Be careful what you're eating cos there's lego in the stew
And you'd really like to tell the little builders what to do
But remember, they're only kids.

Isn't it a pleasure when the words begin to come?
You teach them "Dada" and you teach them "Mum",
And then you try and shut 'em up when they discover "bum"
But remember, they're only kids.

Don't they look so cosy, those infant Mafiosi?
But lock 'em in their beds I'm telling you,
Cos when you get romantic there's a voice that drives you frantic
Saying "Hello Mummy, Daddy, can I play horsie too?"

Grandad's in the bathroom and the air is turning blue,
The kids have filled the keyhole with a tube of super glue
And he never saw the cling film that they stretched across the loo
But remember, they're only kids.

The literature they read is on the purple side of blue,
They know where babies come from and they know just what to do,
And with Action Man and Sindy they'll show you a thing or two!
But remember they're only kids.

And then you're little lad says "Now look here Dad,
Can ten year olds get in the family way?"
And you smile and say "Not yet" then your knees turn sort of wet
When you hear him tell the girl next door "I said we'd be ok"

And it's "Mummy can we help you? Mummy, why you looking pale?
Just look inside your handbag cos we've been collecting snails
And we've nnearly fixed the telly, but we just ran out of nails
Mum Remember, we're only kids!"

And now the days have passed and your little chicks have flown,
There's peace and quiet and your home's your own,
And then they come and visit you with children of their own!
But remember they're only kids.

I was given that by Tom Gilmour many years ago, and that's the way I sing it now, though the 'folk process' has probably changed it a bit from the original.

Love Lynne