Fiddle? FIDDLE? I don't got no steenkin' fiddle! I don't got no steenkin' guitar, either. My wife has got a steenkin' guitar, but I don't. I don't fiddle around with no steenkin' strings! I play a REAL instrument, an' it ain't no steenkin' reeds, either!

I, as the cognescenti know, play one of these (except that mine's not that fancy, has vertical screw-type tuning, and was made in 1929). A true instrument for gentlefolk.