The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #81183   Message #1485232
Posted By: GUEST,.gargoyle
15-May-05 - 05:15 AM
Thread Name: looking for tree songs for radio show
Subject: RE: looking for tree songs for radio show
Good Lord knows the advertisers get their paper's worth out of your show. Perhaps these will help.

Here's some links that are rooted for your wood shoe, I hope that they help you when log on because you're stumped, or have been barking up the wrong tree, or are out on a limb. I wood like to think I helped someone branch out. I feel like such a sap for making all these puns, I should be a bud and turn over a new leaf and promise not to make any more, you're probably board to death with these already. I bet you are ready for a few more pity puns.

Did you hear about the confused feller-buncher operator? He did not know his aspen from a pole in the ground!

Why did the forestry tech take a bath? He wanted to get spruced up for the planting party!

Did you hear about the cranky scaler? His bark was worse than his bite!

How does a silviculture forest manager say goodbye? I am leafing now. I'll seed you later!

Why did the women say no to a marriage proposal from a technician? He gave her a tree ring!

Did you know that the world's most famous forester is a really poplar guy?

* Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

* If I have three pinyon pine nuts in one hand, and four in the other, what do I have? A difference of a pinyon!(Pinyon pines are short-statured pine trees that produce edible seeds often called "pine nuts".)

* A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. They reached the ninth fairway, and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball right smack into the top of the tree trunk, where it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally been. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Sincerely,
Gargoyle