Found this on a board somewhere with a google of "The National Hotel", Ian, sylvia, lyrics

A wonderful ditty called "The National Hotel." They refused to release it as a single because they didn't want to have to sing it endlessly in concerts. It has a bouncy little air. The lyrics go:

"All the halls are haunted in The National Hotel. Running and a screaming in (something) and evening's as well. Every night a knocking comes a knocking at my door, calling out for Shirley, but she don't live her any more (she.don't.live.her.any-more.)

The carpet lives on ketchup and the lightbulbs live on flies The wallpaper pattern lives on anything that it can hypnotise (it can hypnotize.)

And the waitress who (somethings) in the dining room (Something, something something, da-duh) bays at the moon."