When my father-in-law passed away a couple of years ago, we wrote up what we wanted in the obituary and e-mailed it to the addresses given for the local paper and the regional daily paper. (The funeral director knew we were writing the obituary and we included info about who was handling the details in case the paper needed to confirm the death.) The local paper either called or e-mailed back within a fairly short time asking for a few more details and suggesting some things we might want to add. We heard nothing from the big paper.

The local paper ran the obituary, and an article as he was well known in the area. We called the big paper, found (from the recording on the phone line) that obituaries were handled by the advertising department and that they could only be called weekdays between 1 and 5. We called between 1 and 5 and got voice mail where we left messages. We e-mailed again, asking them to confirm that they had received the obituary and that they would run it on the day we requested and saying we'd be happy to provide a credit card or whatever was necessary to make sure it ran on the day we wanted it. (He had friends in other parts of the state and the weekend paper is statewide.)

The weekend came - no obituary, and after 5 days of trying we still had been unable to talk to a real person. I was not happy. On Monday my husband actually reached someone in the advertising department who said (more or less) that they had never received anything from us but if we wanted to give them our credit card number and send them what we wanted printed, they'd print it as long as our credit card was good. They were much more focused on checking the credit card than the details of the obituary. When Charlie reported on that call, I went ballistic - how much effort does it take to pretend to have a little sympathy?

Fortunately I knew (casually through work) a senior reporter there, so I called him and told him I knew it wasn't his department but I was upset and I wanted to know how to complain effectively. He called me back in a couple of minutes with the direct line to the managing editor, and assured me that it's important to her that the paper have a good public image. She did actually seem to care, and once I'd told the story to her, called my husband and apologized for the callous way he was treated. They ran the obituary again the following weekend for no additional charge. I have no idea if the staff there has gone to sensitivity training, but I like to think they're a little more supportive these days.

I mention this because as more newspapers begin to look at obituaries as revenue rather than news, it's likely to be harder to find the sort of caring professionals some folks have mentioned.

By the way, additional information about his siblings was one of the things the local paper suggested we add.

   JudyB