Hi all
Yes indeedy THE WOMPOM was written and performed by that august duo, Flanders and Swann, and I have great pleasure in providing the lyrics below. They made a speciality of this type of song, so, if this appeals it would be worth looking for other material by them.
PS: apologies for one missing word at the end.
Regards, John


THE WOMPOM
As recorded by Flanders and Swann.

You can do such a lot with a wompom.
You can use every part of it, too.
For work or for pleasure, it's a triumph; it's a treasure.
Oh, there's nothing that a wompom cannot do.

Now the thread from the coat of a wompom
Has the warmth and the resilience of wool.
You need never wash or brush it; it's impossible to crush it,
And it shimmers like the finest sort of tool.

So our clothes are all made from the wompom:
Modern gowns, sportswear, lingerie.
They are waterproof and plastic. Where it's needed, they're elastic,
And they emphasise the figure, as you see.

Hail to thee, blithe wompom,
Hail to thee, O plant!
All-providing wompom,
Universal Aunt.

You can shave with the rind of a wompom,
And it acts as a soapless shampoo,
And the root in little doses keeps you free from halitosis.
Oh, there's nothing that a wompom cannot do.
Nothing that a wompom cannot do.
Nothing that a wompom cannot do.

Now the thick inner shell of a wompom
You can mould with a finger and thumb.
Though soft when you began it, it will set as hard as granite
And it's quite as light as aluminium.

So we make what we like from the wompom,
And that proves very useful indeed.
From streets full of houses, to the buttons on your trousers,
With the wompom, you have everything you need.

Gaudeamus wompom!
Gladly we salute
Vademecum wompom!
Philanthropic fruit.

Oh, the thin outer leaf of a wompom
Makes the finest Havana cigar.
And its bottom simply bristles with unusual looking thistles,
But we haven't yet discovered what they are.

You can do such a lot with a wompom.
You can use every part of it, too.
For work or for pleasure, it's a triumph; it's a treasure.
Oh, there's nothing that a wompom cannot do.

Oh, the flesh in the heart of a wompom
Has the flavour of porterhouse steak;
And the juice is a liquor that will get you higher quicker
And you're still lit up next morning when you wake.

Wompom, wompom!
Let your voices ring.
Wompom, wompom!
Ever more we sing.

To record what is what in a wompom
Needs a book twice as big as Who's Who.
I could tell you more and more about this fascinating flora.
You can shape it; you can square it.
You can drape it; you can wear it.
You can ice it; you can dice it.
You can pare it; you can slice it.
Oh, there's nothing that a wompom cannot do.
Nothing that a wompom cannot do.
Nothing that a wompom cannot do.