Like Musicman, we are celebrating a Christmas of firsts: our first without my mom, who died the day after MM lost his wife. It will seem strange as she loved Christmas and it was very imporant, for her, for us to be together, even when some of us didn't want to be. I felt a bit of distance about it all when I moved East and didn't share Christmas with her and the rest of my family for ten years, but coming back 6 years ago and spending about three of those with her, were lovely and reminded me of all the fun we used to have.

Curiously enough, I have more of the seasonl spirit this year than last, I think because I had a feeling last year would be her last Christmas with us and so it was sadder. It is also because my youngest daughter is finally my friend, again. As equal adults, she and I are enjoying one another's company and getting along, after I had despaired of her ever coming back into my life in such a way.

I feel a lot of the same things already stated about the commercialism. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE. I make almost all of my gifts and spend very little money. I may make Swedish tea rings this year for a few neighbours and friends, as I've always done in the past. I make them look like Christmas wreaths and it was always so much fun to wrap them up and surprise everyone with them. I will also continue to avoid the mall and stores. I will also find a quiet, dark time of everyday to keep my soul and spirit nourished in the quietness of this great spiritual time of year, esp on the Solstice, my favourite day.

I had an encounter the other day; a direct reminder of the good of the human spirit and the reason we have sacred seasons.

I went into my local bead store and there was an elderly woman sitting at the table with old rhinestone jewelry spread out on the table before her. Among the baubles which shone so brightly, she had a few very old, real cameos from Tibet, she said, from before WWII. She was hoping to sell any and all of it.

Her story was so sad and true. She is totally alone, her husband having died of emphysema in Orgeon where they went when the doctors told them he only had about two years left. After he died she came home to Casper. Using the $900 left from his life insurance, she bought herself a small camp trailer/caravan, no bathroom nor running water. After paying it off, she traded up and kept doing that until she finally had a decent, old mobile home to call her own.

She lives off of Social Security, a mere $325 per month. She gets no other benefits, I think because she is too proud to ask.

The day I met Lea, she had just pawned her wedding rings to pay some bills and she had $1.60 left for the rest of the month, including Christmas. She is 76 and in poor health herself. My friend and I were in no position to offer her what we knew her cameos were worth, so we gave her some names of trusted people who might be able to help.

Then my friend, the shop owner, came over and placed a $20 bill in Lea's hand, telling her she was just passing on what she'd received herself when in dire circumstances. Lea was so grateful and stunned, we all had tears running down our faces. Lea gave us each a hug and told us that she loved us. She kept calling us "good girls".

That moment was one of true goodness born of spontaniety, which I believe defines the best of humankind. The selfless giving of my friend, which I would have emulated had I had cash that day; the gratefullness and absolute surprise Lea felt when she gave her the money; the Presence of what I call the Cosmic; all made my heart swell with gratitude and sorrow at the same time for the way this woman was living.

I was effected so profoundly by this experience. It made me even more aware of how angry I've become with my brother, who thinks he has nothing and who does nothing to help hmself. If he wills it, he may be the one who does not survive the loss of mom. The contrast of this person who is so close and prevelant in my life and this stranger whom I had an instant rapport and empathy for was marked.

I made sure to exchange phone numbers with Lea and she gave me her address. This coming week, my daughter and I will take her some groceries for Christmas, as a surprise, and know that we have done a small part in passing on the Spirit of Good which is within us all.

May you all have a blessed and good season of your own choosing. And, thank you all for being such wonderful, caring friends.

I really do feel joyful this year and wish Peace to you all.

Love,

katlaughing