Extremely well-written, Abby. I agree with Amos, it should be published. I know Spaw has shared a bunch of similar experiences with us.
Having just had my aortic valve replaced, though, I am pleased to report most of it did not hold true for me. I had a Dream Team of docs, only had one bad apple nurse, whom I imediately banished from my room/care forever, and one exercise-drill sgt. who was banished, also.
Of course there were some problems, surgeons being what they are, they really aren't very interested in you after the fact; thankfully their nurses, PA's and others are more personable and for the most part, good listeners. I have found the best docs and other personal are usually osteopaths, who do know the value of treating wholisitcally. My cardiologist and his staff certainly do.
Things I would add: demand they provide you with a bathroom which has a toilet at a comfortable height! The one I had, in a private room was high, for this 5'2" green-eyed, faded-redhead; probably to accomodate those in wheelchairs. To get ANY leverage for mooving things along, if you know what I mean, I had to request a footstool, as my feet did not reach the floor!
A handy voice-activated recorder. When one is drugged, groggy and there is no advocate there, it's best to tape the instructions or explanations being given for whatever is going on! That way, when one has recovered their wits they may make sense of it...or, maybe not?!
There was something else I was going to list, but can't remember. When I do, I'll post it.
I DO feel I am very fortunate to live where there are two very highly rated (backed by statistics) hospitals and I am grateful for the many more years of life I've gained since my stay this May.:-)
All the best to you and Ancient Spouse. I am really glad you are there for her. An Advocate is THE most important thing a patient needs!!