The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #16288   Message #151198
Posted By: Jeri
18-Dec-99 - 10:40 AM
Thread Name: Lyr Add: Ice Damming (Barry Finn)
Subject: RE: Please, comments again on a song
Just two things:

Last two lines in the last verse - this may not be noticable when you sing it, but the grammar's off -
A windfall in winter is scarce that's the truth
When ice damming is done we're a winter recluse
Maybe change to "I'm a winter recluse?" (otherwise, it would be "we're winter recluses," and that sounds funny.)

Again, maybe this doesn't matter when you sing it. Suggested additions in the first and last lines of the chorus are in italics.
And you hear everywhere the cry ofIce Dam
..
..
And answer the call and the cry ofIce Dam

I want to hear you sing this!