Contribution from Mary Hinge, Wassail exponent & part-time Mother Christmas in reply to
IT'S NOT DIFFICULT TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY, A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE:

This girl isn't normally cynical - she's just veryu experienced ...

1. a friend                   yes
2. a companion                yes         
3. a lover                yes
4. a brother                no thanks! have you met my brother?
5. a father                no, I'm not a baby!
6. a master                NOT!
7. a chef                sometimes useful
8. an electrician        sometimes useful but I can fix the plug!
9. a carpenter                well...
10. a plumber                no, we've got a decent plumber and I can change a washer!        
11. a mechanic                hm!
12. a decorator                I do 'not bad'decorating myslf actually
13. a stylist                for what for God's sake?
14. a sexologist        so they fail!
15. a gynaecologist        so they fail!
16. a psychologist        what are you trying to say exactly?
17. a pest exterminator no, there's no crocs round here and I can cope with insects, spiders, mice etc.
18. a psychiatrist        what are you trying to say exactly?
19. a healer                WHAT'S WRONG WITH A STICKING PLASTER?
20. a good listener        sounds nice but hard on the deaf blokes!
21. an organiser        ha ha ha        
22. a good father        useful
23. very clean                ha ha ha
24. sympathetic                to what?
25. athletic                ha ha ha
26. warm                hot stuff preferable
27. attentive                oh how sweet
28. gallant                OK
29. intelligent                OK
30. funny                well, they are aren't they?
31. creative                not in accounting or excuse-making
32. tender                OK
33. strong                OK
34. understanding        OK
35. tolerant                yes, very!
36. prudent                oh please!
37. ambitious                why?
38. capable                at what?
39. courageous                OK
40. determined                Ok
41. true                OK
42. dependable                OK
43. passionate                 yes, yes, yes!


WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly        this can seem insincere if overdone!
45. love shopping                        don't know why, I hate it!
46. be honest                                YES
47. be very rich                        no, enough's enough
48. not stress her out                        I don't get easily stressed
49. not look at other girls                 No, I'd rather a man be normal!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself                bullshit!
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself                        bullshit!
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes                 don't quite get this one!

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* birthdays                
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes         

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :

1.Shag him
2.Feed him
3.Not mind his mess
4.Wash his shirts, trousers, socks, pants, etc.
5.Iron his shirts, trousers, socks, pants, etc.
6.Laugh at his jokes
7.File his papers
8.Make the bed
9.Clean up the bathroom (seat to be left in "up" position)
10.Keep quiet while the football/cricket/etc. are on
11.Boost his ego
12.Make a fuss when he has a snivel, hang nail, scratch, etc.
13.Get ready to go out quickly (well instantly, actually)
14.Be tradesman's labourer if he decides to be a plumber, carpenter, electrician or chef.
15.Sew on buttons and do other mends.