8:37 a.m.: A naked man was masturbating under a blanket in Armory Park, 333 N. Washington St.

Well, was he naked, or was he under a blanket? If he was under a blanket then, technically, he wasn't naked since a blanket could be considered a form of clothing. It was good enough for Sitting Bull, wasn't it?

Now, whether or not Sitting Bull yanked his crank while wearing his blanket is a different matter. I doubt anyone could provide a definitive answer as to the question "Did Bull boff his boloney beneath his blanket?" After all, he was under the blanket so who could tell? Scratching fleas, choking chickens, they sorta look the same when you're wearing a blanket.