I invented the 12 spring guitar, the urinal, the key of B flat, hexadecimal musical notation, the Eunuchs operating system, and the electric pickup ("Hi! What's your amperage?"). I have written several books, including (but not limited to) "Blackstone's Commentaries," "De Bello Gallico," "The Mouse That Snored," and "The Fannie Farmer Cookbook." My songs include "Growin' in the Wind," "Mac the Fork," "Bottle of Rotgut," and "Ban, Ban, Ban the Bloody Cherry Bomb." In a radical departure from the hordes of nubile Hollywood starlets who routinely fling themselves at my body I have recently moved in with a very well-known gastropod. With a gently touch of a middle finger I can cure warts, and have been known to levitate when coldnosed by a dog.

But all in all, I'm a very humble person and quietly proud of being so.