THE GARDEN GNOME.


Sittin' in the garden, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, frogspawn in me boot,
It's piddlin' down with rain, I've got water on the brain,
As I sit here all alone like King Canute,
The kids have knocked me nose off, and me hair is getting' thin,
And the liberties they take with me, it really is a sin,
There's a pigeon I can see, and he's headin' straight for me,
While the gardener strikes his matches on me chin.

Many years ago, I was a king upon a throne,
Then I quarrelled with a fairy, and she turned me into stone,
Now I has to sit here, in the garden, all alone,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

Sittin' here just fishin', and the fishes never bite,
Anyway, it's been so long, I've lorst me appetite,
It really is a shame, here's that pigeon once again,
Hasn't anybody got some dynamite?
There's a dog that comes to see me, every evening, after tea,
Well, I could never understand his interest in me,
And then I found out why, when it hit me in the eye,
Have you ever been mistaken for a tree?

Many years ago, I was healthy, I was fit,
Then I got into this work, and went downhill a bit,
Now me paint is chippin', and me doublet is all split,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

The birds have pecked me beard away, to build their little nests,
And I can't seem to stop 'em, though I've tried me level best,
I could put up with that, and the white stuff on me hat,
But I never seem to get a moment's rest,
The human from the house comes out, and squirts me with a hose,
And the pollen from that woman's flowers, gets right up me nose,
With hay fever and a chill, I do feel rather ill, (achoo)
Still, mustn't grumble, I suppose.

Many years ago, I was dapper as you please,
As smart a little monarch as any mortal sees,
Now I sit here cringin', with one eye upon the trees,
It ain't much fun bein' a gnome.

So I'll sit here in the darkness, in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, tadpoles in me boot,
It's still piddlin' down with rain, I've still got water on the brain,
As I sit here, all alone, like King Canute,
RULE BRITANNIA,
Sit here, just like bloody King Canute.

according with recognised folk process, this is a mixture of original Miles Wootton, and original Don T. I did try to separate using colour, but cut/paste threw it out.

Don T.